Monday morn our group of 12 donned our turtle backs and set out for a 3 day backpacking adventure, some of us (myself included) for the first time.
As if the rocky uphill trek and extra 50 liters on my hips and shoulders wasn’t enough of a challenge the universe threw me bonus curve ball. Mind games.
It was as if a political debate was taking place in my mind. A dozen voices all wanting to be heard at once, all mine and yet not one felt familiar. I’m not even sure how to share what I thought. I felt a lot of self doubt, I felt weak and fragile and unable to sustain the weight of that pack for 5 hours of continuous hiking. I felt irritated by the voices around me and I would quicken my footsteps to put distance between myself and those who were chatting. For which I than felt guilty and sorry for. I hold every speaker and every word they speak as important, whether the content is software programming or enlightenment. My ugly thoughts clashed with Zebra patternlike grace with the sun shining through the giant Aspen trees, glinting across streams and the occasional patch of snow. And I felt grouchy.
And after a million years past in the blink of an eye, we were unloading our bags, setting up home and cooking quinoa over the fire.
Wednesday morn, the packs went back on for a drastically different hike though the trail did not change. Clear and creative and wanting to write. It is all in the mind. Whatever the hell IT is.